Royal Thoughts

Assalamualaikum khalifah of Allah ♥}

Monday, January 16, 2012 | 10:28 AM | 4 comment

So yes I actually repost this video from Amirah Zahirah's bloggie. So credits to her. I find this video so touching :') I first read about Amirah's story and well I was so teruja with her story. Honestly, yes, I wear hijab because that is Allah's perintah and that shows the personality of a muslimah. My principles in wearing hijab before was only to cover up my hair and well Allah asks us to do that so yeah I'm doing it but not with an open heart I think. Sometimes, I get jealous with people who are not wearing hijab and jealous because their mum and dad didn't mind of what they do or what they wear.

Well my parents are very strict. Especially my dad. Well I think both my parents are just the same. They never let me wear clothes that will nampakkan my tubuh badan. Sorry I'm just lacking of vocabulary. Do comment me and tell me the wrongs and the rights in my language. I just want to practice. I don't care if you would laugh the way I write. It's just the way I practice. So yeah let's go back to the topic.

So yeah I always wanted to wear clothes which are not too big. I mean, my mum always buy me over-sized clothes and well I don't like wearing them much because it looks gelebeh, selekeh and all that. I too don't want to wear clothes that are too tight. Yes, because my mum made me wear all those over-sized clothes, now I never felt comfortable when wearing any clothes that are fit. Well maybe some of you will think that it's not fit but to me it is because I'm not used to wear fit clothes.

When I started to have my period at thirteen, my parents become more strict. I don't really like it but I got used to it. I'm not the kind of child that membantah all the time. I rather keep quiet than arguing the things that I already know is wrong. So because my parents are like that, I didn't really like people who are alim. I got annoyed when they say anything. I mean I believed that not all alim people are nice or good. They're just bragging and all. Yes, I admit that. I've been very sinful :'( I'm sorry oh Allah. Really am. Astaghfirullahalazim.

After I went to Seseri, I felt the change in me. The two years I spent there just gave me so much. I often recite al-Quran and do some solat sunat-s and sometimes I wake up for qiamullail. Don't get me wrong. I am not bragging. I'm just saying that after two years being a seserian, I feel that I've changed a lot and I love it. I really miss being in the surau and solat berjamaah everyday and sang all the nasyid songs together with my true friends. Yes. I learned many nasyids at seseri. That's the songs that the imtiyazs will play during the gap maghrib and isya'. I kinda like 'em.

Oh I also miss the weekends where the imtiazs went knocking on each dorm to wake us all up. Thank you korang. Hanya Allah yang boleh membalas jasa korang semua :') It's a habit for us for reciting the al-Mathurat every weekend morning. The days with the Mathurat and the days without the Mathurat is completely different. I can feel that I am really good as if Allah protects me from doing any sins the whole day insyaAllah. I feel the calm, alhamdulillah.

Btw, I felt the calm when I'm in seseri. I'm really sad that I left seseri. Really am. Seseri is where I got the light I think insyaAllah. I really hope that Allah will not stop giving the hidayah to me. I am just a weak elf compared to Allah The Great. After I watched this video, I was so touched of what Wardina said. I really envy her. I know it's not good to but Idk. I feel that I'm a bad khalifah all this while. I will continue to be a good and nice muslimah like I was in seseri insyaAllah.

My mum just said to me the other day, 'Mama dah tau mana nak hantar kakak lepas ni :)' I was like 'Where?' Mama went 'UIA :) Kat situ insyaAllah kakak akan bergaul dengan orang baik baik and biasanya kan kakak, orang jumpa jodoh kat universiti lah' I was like 'Mamaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa =..=' Mama said 'Betul lah kakak. Kakak nak ke nanti terkahwin dengan orang yang tak baik? Susah tau kalau dah kahwin dengan orang jahat. Tulah selama ni mama suruh kakak pakai baju yang tutup aurat. Lelaki yang baik nak kat perempuan yang baik je kakak. The way you wear shows the personality you carry. Kalau kakak pakai tak tutup aurat semua, kakak ingat ustaz ustaz tu nak dekat ke dengan kakak?' I went 'taaaaaaaaaaaak --' Mum continued, 'Kalau nak pakai tudung tu, pakai betul betul. Pakai tudung ni bukan untuk berfesyen. Berfesyen boleh tapi asalkan aurat tu tutup. Faham tak, kakak?' I went, 'Fahaaam'. Lepas tu I salam-ed mama and went to kumon.

Yes from now onwards, I WANT TO BE A BETTER PERSON! To be precise, A BETTER MUSLIMAH INSYAALLAH :') Please support me. I really want to change the whole lot of me to a whole lot of someone very nice insyaAllah. I want to marry to a nice man who will care and love me forever insyaAllah.

ISLAM IS THE ONLY WAY OF LIFE! ♥

PS. I know you will think differently of me now as you know the real me before I sedar but please support me in changing myself.
PPS. To my new readers, Seseri is the short of SM Sains Seri Puteri, Kuala Lumpur. It's a very good school. Many of my friends who were free hair changed to wear hijab after entering this school. I know by wearing hijab doesn't mean a person can totally change but believe me that's the start and I am very proud of my friends who started to wear hijab. Saya kagum dengan perubahan awak. Honestly, I really want Ms. Ding Hong Eng to convert to Islam. That is my wish since I was form five. She's really a nice and very dedicated teacher.
PPPS. I'm sorry if any of you terasa of what I think of anyone of you when I was in my 'zaman jahiliah'. I'm just telling the story of the side of me back when I was in Sevens mainly -.-' Only now, I did not regret that I went to Seseri. There's so many that I learnt there. InsyaAllah I'll bring them in my life until my last breath insyaAllah :') Please accept me of who I am now insyaAllah :)
PPPPS. Thanks for reading this post and watching this video. Do comment :)

Labels: changes, hijab, I LOVE ISLAM, Islam, seseri, Wardina Safiyyah

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